Paintball Safety – or – How not to Check to See if You’re Out of Ammo. #1

So, Charles, Greg, and I are playing a renegade game of paintball in Rambo’s backyard. At midnight. During the winter. No I never said I was sane. Anyway, we are playing and the co2 tanks are starting to freeze increasing, the air pressure the semi-auto guns are firing at. Quick bit of paintball info. Paintball guns fire at somewhere between 220 fps and 300 fps. Feet Per Second. 300 fps is about 200 mph. back to the story. So I’m running through the woods firing my gun and I can hear it firing blanks. The balls are not dropping down into the chamber properly due to the temperature. I shake the gun a couple of times to get the balls resorted, and fire the gun. I’m still shooting only air. It’s dark and my only source of light is the crescent moon above. So now I’m thinking to myself, maybe I’m not hearing things correctly. Maybe the gun is really firing and I’m just not seeing it. So I put my hand in front of the barrel and pull the trigger several times. Air. Now I’m pissed off. I shake the gun and fire several more times. Air again. Now I’m fuming mad. I give the gun a real violent shake and fire the gun. First pull of the trigger, air. Second pull of the trigger, air. Third pull of the trigger a frozen paintball flies out at 300 fps (200 mph) and hits my left hand right below my index and middle finger. Luckily I was wearing a glove. Unfortunately, it was not very thick. I was about to scream then I realized I did not want to give away my position. So I stood there for a good deal of time staring at my hand, mouth wide open, and eyes wide open.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Don’t do this at home kids.

Paintball Safety – or – Why You Sould not Play Paintball With a Sling Shot.

Ok, Mathew-San, Jim Maguire, and I use to be amateur anarchists. We one night suck out of our houses and decided to play paintball hide and seek through our neighborhood. Jim had the only gun, Matt used the sling shot and I was “Ammo-Boy” for Matt. We’ve were running around shooting up houses and generally having fun. Jim runs off into the woods and hides. Matt and I are sneaking around looking for him. “Wait,” Matt whispers. “He’s hiding over there. Behind those trees.” That boy has got to have the best vision in the world. I didn’t see squat. I hand a paintball after two to three minutes of arguing of where Jim was. “I’m going to hit him in the center of his forehead,” Matt says as he is drawing back the slingshot. He releases! Whizz! Splat! “AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!” We ran over to Jim to see what happened. He’s clutching his hand over his left eye, cursing like a sailor. Matt and I are trying our best not to laugh at the way he is stringing the curses together. We calm Jim down and try to get the details. Here’s what happened to Jim. He heard the snap of the slingshot and saw the paintball hanging in the air, growing. If any of you have ever played paintball, this means that you are going to get hit in the head. Realizing this, Jim stood up and moved to the right to get out of the way. He didn’t move fast enough got hit right in the left lens of his glasses. Popped the lens right out and cut him on the cheek.

Needless to say we didn’t ever do that again.