The Bathroom, The Fog Machine, and Me.

Ok, ready for this?

My friend Greg owns a professional grade fog machine.

The Tech Centre of TBS is in a remoulded two story house, with a full bathroom upstairs and a half bathroom or “powder room” down stairs. Just the loo and a sink.

One Evil Thought later, and I have snuck the fog machine into the office and stowed it away in the downstairs bathroom, under the sink.

Wait a week, just in case.

So, I make the announcement that if anyone needs me I’ll be in the john. I enter the bathroom, setup the fog machine, turn it on and let it rip! I had that thing running until it automatically shut off. I could not see my hand held out at arms length. I unplug the machine, wrap up the cables, and stepped out of the bathroom. Our office manager, Nancy, desk faces the bathroom, so I walk out, turn to her and say, “Do NOT, go in there!” and shut the door. She looks up at me an inquires “What was that?” I respond, “Ooohhh, Nothing.” “Open that door.” she commanded. I comply open the door, letting more of the fog waft out of the bathroom and close it again. Her eyes were the size of dish plates.

Now Rick turns a sees some smoke wafting across the top of her desk and his first thought was, oh it’s just Nancy’s cigarette smoke. At which point he realizes that there is to much smoke to be that. He stands up and comes over to Nancy’s desk, where she’s still starring at me in disbelief, and exclaims, “What the?!?!?!?!” I open the door and let some more smoke out. Rick busts out in hysterics.

Mind you all this time my boss, Jim has had his back turned to the whole situation. Added on to that he was busy on the phone and had not yet turned more that one quarter way around. Finally after ten minutes Jim turns around. I open the door. In the middle of a sentence about accounting software, he cuts to “Holy SHIT! The bathroom’s on fire! I’ll call you right back!” hangs up the phone and comes running over and stares in to the bathroom in disbelief.

Now here’s what the bathroom looked like. Looking into it was like looking into a portal to another dimension. It was a solid wall of fog that was slowly dissipating out into the hallway. I swear that if you your hand into it you couldn’t see it. Jim stepped into it and disappeared. This is only a 5′ by 5′ room that we are talking about. One sniff and Jim knew it wasn’t smoke, the fog juice had a strawberry sent to it.

I got into a little bit of trouble for pulling that prank.

I’m surprised that I did not loose my job.

Summer Camp Time!

Summer is here and so is summer camp! So here’s a message to all parents from all the children forced to go to summer camp just so their parents can get some nookie while the kids are away. After all that’s what summer camp is for, to get the kid’s out of the house long enough to forget that the little rug-rats were there.

But enough of the bitterness. On with the message!

Message From Camp –

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Special thanks to my Uncle Leroy for recording the message many many years ago when he had to endure summer camp, back before the child abuse and child labor laws were enforced.

E-mail Tag Lines

Never moon a Werewolf…

Never take a Vietnam Vet to fireworks display in the swamp…
Never take a recovering drug addict to a Grateful Dead concert…

And never, ever, stand up while your plane is being hijacked and ask for your Kosher meal.

Before Enlightenment, wash the floor and chop wood.
After Enlightenment, wash the floor and chop wood.

-Zen Koan (I think)

Anyone remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.

There are three types of people in this world: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wondered “What happened?”

“A happy childhood is poor preparation for human contacts.” – Colette

“A cult is a religion with no political power.” – Tom Wolfe

“Government is that great fictitious entity by which everyone tries to live at the expense of everyone else.”

Here’s to cheating, stealing, fighting and drinking
If you cheat,may you cheat death
If you steal,may steal someone’s heart
If you fight, may you fight for a friend
and If you drink, may you drink with me
May Odin Guide Ya and Fey Welcome Ya
Blessed Be

“Cloning forces us to ask some hard questions.
For example, which person, the original or the clone, gets to wear the goatee and be evil?”

“You are using the time-honored strategy of ignoring my point.”

This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

“If people listened to themselves more often, they’d talk less.” – Courtois’s Rule

“Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.” – Davidson’s Maxim

Btw. that “real life” you mentioned, is it worth downloading?

Reality is for those who are unable to cope with fantasy. Fortunately I have no problems coping.

we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a’ gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer

<—— [insert picture of elvis and nixon shaking hands in the oval office]

“…violence resolves problems that talking can’t solve.”

C: run
Run : , Run”

People that don’t like us to wear fur and leather, will only harass rich women, because a biker gang would kick their asses!

I used to live life like a possible senate candidate,
but the hookers and heroine got to be too much.

“Because you have the attention span of a goldfish and the level of intelligence inferior to a flabbering moth makes your input on what sucks and what does not about as insignificant as your very own existence.”

‘No trees were killed in the sending of this message.
‘However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

“I am Homer of Borg. You will be assim…ooooohhh, donut!”
“I am Homer of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Preparation is irrel…MMMmmm…doughnut!”

Entropy isn’t what it used to be…

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

As I get older I find that all the worlds problems come down to one thing. Other people. So knock it off.

When life hands you lemons, lobby Congress to give you the sole right to provide access to lemonade.

Do not seek to imitate the masters. Instead, seek what the masters sought. – old Japanese proverb

Every child wins a prize! (Prizes not suitable for children)

When they took the fourth amendment, I was quiet because I didn’t deal drugs.
When they took the sixth amendment, I was quiet because I was innocent.
When they took the second amendment, I was quiet because I didn’t own a gun.
Now they’ve taken the first amendment, and I can say nothing about it.

Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by incompetence