Father Flanagan’s Prayer Over the Gifts

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to awake in green pastures,
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz,
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal(or Sweet-N-Low, for that matter).
For thou art with me, thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Juan Valdez,
Thou annointest my day with pep, my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of Maxwell forever, to the last drop.