Weird News Headlines

Convicted killer prefers jail with rapists to house arrest with parents

Signs you may be going to hell: Lightning strikes you during a church cookout.

Vatican claims torture is cruel, inhumane, and degrading. Unless you’re a heretic, then anything goes.

One billion PCs sold worldwide. In other news, Skynet not self-aware just yet.

The Welsh are the real English. Everyone else is there due to medieval ethnic cleansing.

8 years of school to become a doctor or lawyer. Who needs it. Become an ordained minister TODAY.

EPA claims toxic sludge is good for fish in Potomac River. Also claims nuclear waste good for enemas.

Fixer’s Manifesto

THE FIXER’S MANIFESTO

Version 1.0 Fix, improve or fork this at manifesto.sugru.com

1. IF IT’S BROKEN, FIX IT! BECAUSE EVERYDAY PRACTICAL PROBLEM
SOLVING IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FORM OF CREATIVITY THERE IS.

2. IF IT’S NOT BROKEN, IMPROVE IT. A SMALL, CLEVER TWEAK CAN
IMPROVE HOW SOMETHING WORKS FOR YEARS TO COME.

3. GIVE YOUR
PRODUCTS A LONGER LIFE. IF WE DOUBLE THE LIFE OF OUR STUFF,
WE HALVE WHAT GOES TO LANDFILL.

4. FIXING MEANS FREEDOM
AND INDEPENDENCE. AS A FIXER, YOU DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT
WEAR AND TEAR. NOTHING STAYS NEW, SO FORGET PERFECTION.

5. RESIST TRENDS AND NEEDLESS UPGRADES. THEY FUEL OUR
THROWAWAY CULTURE.

6. DON’T LET COMPANIES TREAT YOU AS
A PASSIVE CONSUMER. EVERY TIME WE SPEND MONEY, WE VOTE FOR
THE KINDS OF PRODUCTS WE WANT TO SEE SUCCEED. BUY PRODUCTS
THAT CAN BE REPAIRED.

7. A FIXED THING IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.
EVERY FIX, WHETHER SKILLFUL OR IMPROVISED, HOLDS A STORY.

8. IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA, START SMALL AND MAKE IT GOOD. IF IT’S
RIGHT, IT’LL GROW FROM THERE.

9. NURTURE YOUR CURIOSITY.
KEEP TRYING THINGS YOU’VE NEVER TRIED BEFORE. IT’S GOOD
FOR YOUR BRAIN AND YOUR SOUL. DON’T BE AFRAID TO FAIL
— IT MAKES SUCCESS ALL THE SWEETER.

10. PEOPLE ARE
INFINITELY DIVERSE. PRODUCTS SHOULD BE TOO. EVERYTHING CAN
BE IMPROVED OR CUSTOMISED.

11. DISPOSABILITY IS A CHOICE,
NOT A PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTIC. PLASTICS AREN’T EVIL, BUT
WE’RE USING THEM WRONG. TREAT THEM WITH RESPECT.

12. SHARE YOUR IDEAS, YOUR ENTHUSIASM AND YOUR SKILLS.
IF YOU’VE FOUND THE JOY OF FIXING, PASS IT ON. IT’S A GIFT FOR LIFE.

From the inventors of sugru
Inspiration credits to Platform 21’s repair manifesto, ifixit, Holstee and the Cult of Done

Fixers Manifesto

 

Mentor’s Hacker Manifesto

also known as:

Mentor’s Last Words

Another one got caught today, it’s all over the papers. “Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal”, “Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering”…

Damn kids. They’re all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950’s technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?

I am a hacker, enter my world…

Mine is a world that begins with school… I’m smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me…

Damn underachiever. They’re all alike.

I’m in junior high or high school. I’ve listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. “No, Ms. Smith, I didn’t show my work. I did it in
my head…”

Damn kid. Probably copied it. They’re all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it’s because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn’t like me… Or feels threatened by me… Or thinks I’m a smart ass… Or doesn’t
like teaching and shouldn’t be here…

Damn kid. All he does is play games. They’re all alike.

And then it happened… a door opened to a world… rushing through the phone line like heroin through an addict’s veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought… a board is found.

“This is it… this is where I belong…”

I know everyone here… even if I’ve never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again… I know you all…

Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They’re all alike…

You bet your ass we’re all alike… we’ve been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak… the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We’ve been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that
had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now… the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn’t run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore… and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge… and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias… and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it’s for our own good, yet we’re the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can’t stop us all… after all, we’re all alike.
—Mentor’s Hacker Manifesto