The Welsh are the real English. Everyone else is there due to medieval ethnic cleansing.

“Rectum? Damn near killed him.”

“Sis on you pister, you ain’t to mucking fuch.”

“Looks like he’s been playing with the toaster in the bathtub again.”

“Looks like we have another Fuster Cluck on our hands”

“Friends help you move,
Good friends help you move the bodies. ”

“It’s getting late,
shit’s gotta die.”

– Allan “Mel” Gibson

My lawer can beat up your lawer.

“There is no purpose in rationalizing what a customer is saying when the customer is irrational.”

“When you feel like you’re going crazy, have you ever thought that this situation might actually require a crazy person?”

“They are using the mushroom technique on me. They feed me shit and keep me in the dark.”

“It’s not wether you win or lose,
It’s not how you play the game,
It’s wether or not you cover the point spread.”

“Can you see a vampire through a one way mirror?”

“And the moral of the story is never lean on the weird, or they will chop your head off, and perverts will eat your brains.”

– Hunter S. Thompson
“Better Than Sex : Confessions of a Political Junkie”

“If we cannot be free, at least we can be cheap!”

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say that there is plenty more stupidity that hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe”

– Frank Zappa

Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
— Leonard Brandwein

Self confidiance – the only common factor of every failed endevor is you.
– Matt Walsh

“I reject your reality, and substitute my own”
– Adam Savage, Mythbusters

Conversations tend to be so much more civil when there’s a chance the other person might snap and kill you.

Right now I’m really annoyed that I’m not as mad as I thought I would be.

“As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”
– Arthur Carlson, WKRP in Cincinnati

He’s nice and he’s funny and he thinks I’m sexy. This delusion makes him desirable.

I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my windows to be stuffed. I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But I refuse to be blown off my feet by any. I refuse to live in other people’s houses as an interloper, a beggar or a slave.

Religion is a matter of the heart. No physical inconvenience can warrant abandonment of one’s own religion

– Ghandi

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”
– Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.

Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler.

– Albert Einstein

If an infinite number of monkeys were coding on an infinite number of computers they would create a good OS. Bill Gates, being impatient, gave them 3 days and took the first one they created.

If there is an exception to a rule at the time the rule was created the rule has already failed.
It’s not superiority, it’s the truth.

– Phill Hall

“Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.” -George Bernard Shaw

“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” -Benjamin Franklin

“In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
-Theodore Roosevelt

…here we are, sitting here, watching TV…
While eating corn-chips and sucking down cheap beer…
Why the hell haven’t we started a new people’s revolution?
Oh yeah, fat, lazy and unmotivated.
“These colors won’t run!”
Especially not on a treadmill, or around a track, or anything.

W. Mike Goodman –

The Bureaucrarcy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding Bureaucrarcy – Unknown

“Life is just nature’s way of keeping meat fresh.” – The Doctor

“Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.”
-Jeff Raskin

Have also found another prisoner unconscious. This especially worrying as it appears to be me. Handsome devil.
– Othar Tryggvassen

Premature optimization is the root of all evil. – Donald Knuth

Some people only learn from experience. But experience is a difficult teacher, since it gives the test first with lesson to follow. – /user/HungryLikeTheWolf99

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