(from alt.folklore.computers)
Subject: Top 100 things you don’t want the sysadmin to say.
- Uh-oh…..
- Shit!!
- What the hell!?
- Go get your backup tape. (You _do_ have a backup tape?)
- That’s SOOOOO bizarre.
- Wow!! Look at this…..
- Hey!! The suns don’t do this.
- Terminated??!
- What software license?
- Well, it’s doing _something_…..
- Wow….that seemed _fast_…..
- I got a better job at Lockheed…
- Management says…
- Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgeted.
- What do you mean that wasn’t a copy?
- It didn’t do that a minute ago…
- Where’s the GUI on this thing?
- Damn, and I just bought that pop…
- Where’s the DIR command?
- The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver.
- I cleaned up the root partition and now there’s LOTS of free space.
- What’s this “any” key I’m supposed to press?
- Do you smell something?
- What’s that grinding sound?
- I have never seen it do *that* before…
- I think it should not be doing that…
- I remember the last time I saw it do that…
- You might as well all go home early today …
- My leave starts tomorrow.
- Ooops.
- Hmm, maybe if I do this…
- “Why is my “rm *.o” taking so long?”
- Hmmm, curious…
- Well, _my_ files were backed up.
- What do you mean you needed that directory?
- What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
- Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
- Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work
- when it comes up tonight.
- I didn’t think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
- Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
- We’re standardizing on AIX.
- Wonder what *this* command does?
- What did you say your (l)user name was…? [;-)]
- You did _what_ to the floppy???
- Sorry, we deleted that package last week…
- NO! Not _that_ button!
- Uh huh……”nu -k $USER”.. no problem….sure thing…
- Sorry, we deleted that package last week…
- NO! Not _that_ button!
- Uh huh……”nu -k $USER”.. no problem….sure thing…
- [looks at workstation] “Say, what version of Dos is this running?”
- Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
- YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
- What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
- What’s this switch for anyways…?
- Tell me again what that ‘-r’ option to rm does
- Say, What does “Superblock Error” mean, anyhow?
- If I knew it wasn’t going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
- Was that YOUR directory?
- System coming down in 0 min….
- The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
- Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
- OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
- The sprinkler system isn’t supposed to leak is it?
- It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. ( This is said on a monday afternoon.)
- I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip with out triping the breaker.
- What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
- I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now.
- Ummm… Didn’t you say you turned it off?
- The network’s down, but we’re working on it. Come back after diner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline… )
- Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
- Boy, it’s a lot easier when you know what you’re doing.
- I hate it when that happens.
- And what does it mean ‘rm: .o: No such file or directory’?
- Why did it say ‘/bin/rm: not found’?
- Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
- You can do this patch with the system up…
- What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
- The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???
- Well, I’ve got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk….
- What do mean by “fired”?
- hey, what does mkfs do?
- where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
- …and if we just swap these two disc controllers like _this_…
- don’t do that, it’ll crash the sys…….. SHIT
- what’s this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
- dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
- find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
- now it’s funny you should ask that, because I don’t know either
- Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
- Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
- SMIT makes it all so much easier……
- Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
- I don’t care what he says, I’m _NOT_ having it on _MY_ network
- We don’t support that. We _won’t_ support that.
- …and after I patched the microcode…
- You’ve got TECO. What more do you want?
- We prefer not to change the root password, it’s an nice easy one
- Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory…
- This won’t affect what you’re doing.
- “We are shutting xxx down from 8.30 to 10.30 on Thursday to install a new tape drive.” – The machine was up at about 2pm sans-tape drive
- “I just have to install these three patches. It should not take more than a few minutes.” – The machine was working again about 3 hours later…
- Umm, did anyone have anything important in /usr?
- We had to format some tracks, and we seem to have hit an inode track. – Half the files are still there though…
- Ooops, I should really have change directory before doing that chmod -R bin.bin .
- I just made an extra 2 meg of space in /, I stripped /vmunix. – Oh, so that’s why ps doesn’t work.
- Ignore the errors. It complains too much.
- I got these instructions off the net. I’m going to follow them exactly. Let’s see if they work.
- Heard at my workplace when I found emacs wouldn’t run: “Oh I took that thing off, it was huge and nobody uses it. It’s a stupid editor anyway.” –Spoken by an MS-DOS programmer
- I don’t know if this is ethical, but…
- Anybody seen the envelope I wrote that password on?
- Oh, I thought you’d already saved that file.
- Why is the “Undo” button greyed out?
- You needed a new computer anyway, right?
- You can move the mouse a little, but DON’T MOVE THE KEYBOARD!
- When it makes that noise again, use the FLAT end of the hammer next time!
- I couldn’t fix that loud power supply fan, so here are some louder speakers.
- From now on, you’ll need to wear this ground strap when you use the computer – but you shouldn’t get that nasty shock anymore.
- Not forward slash…BACK SLASH…no, I don’t know where that is on your keyboard.
- Keep rebooting until it stays running.
- That blue screen really is pretty, huh?